Book Review- Executive Coaching with Backbone and Heart by Mary Beth O'Neill (3 parts)

This week's book of choice has been Executive Coaching with Backbone and Heart by Mary Beth O'Neill. I had forgotten just how dense this particular read is. The author wants you to understand the theory and vocabulary behind the strategies, rather than changing the language to match what you already know. I am only able to get through 1 of the 3 parts in a week and still absorb everything.

Tidbits for your enjoyment:

The book proposes a 3 part model for describing the role of executive. Many companies have models for leadership, but rarely to they stay so simple as only 3 parts, often expanding to 5 or more. I like this model for its simplicity but it is hard to measure. Executives communicate the landscape through vision and goals, build relationships to grow interaction and performance, and unlock greater results. This model makes the soft skills reliance clear.

The book proposes a model to analyze systems through paths of anxiety and behavior. First we imagine a spider's web, which reacts across the whole web to issues in any one area of the web. Then we consider that web composed of nearly endless triangles. The individual is a point and spreading out from them are their ties to other individuals or groups which in turn form triangles as they connect to each other. When anxiety appears, individuals start to become reactive, they stop doing their best thinking, feel stuck, and imagine a world in absolutes (always, never, etc.). A key strategy for most people is to turn to another person in their triangles. In this way, anxiety rolls across the business. The goal of coaching is to return resources and good thinking to the connection points of the triangle and then let those people stabilize their own triangles with the resulting clarity.

Most of part 1 of this book is actually about managing your own anxiety and reactivity as a coach. When you walk into the dynamic of triangles you become a point in a new triangle. The problems and anxieties thrust themselves upon you; pushing you along with the momentum and asking you to also be reactive. How do you stop that cycle, return your own resources and best thinking, then help others do the same? There are many pages of different strategies for different issues, but the simplest version of the advice is "backbone" and "heart." Backbone is the ability to steel yourself to say what needs to be said, set boundaries, and not get overpowered by an anxious person accustomed to getting their way. Heart is staying with them in the problems, wading through the mess together, and understanding their struggles so you can think with them. 

While venturing into this read, I recommend a notebook, a pencil, and a highlighter. Be prepared to stop and have ChatGPT explain some of the author's references. Redraw the pictures in your notebook and apply the theories. As I said, it's dense.

Part 2 is the authors take on Situation Leadership.

Because all consultants fit the world into a 4-quadrant box model with two axis, Situational Leadership does the same, once for employees and once for management skills. The employee box is motivation vs competence. For example, new employees are highly motivated but lack competence. Then you would have people who are starting to develop competence but are struggling to stay motivated during the challenge, or skilled people who have burnt out, or high performers.

Now the second model. Your leadership and management skills are supportive, attempting to build up motivation, or directive, telling people what to do. You realize where your employee is at and you match your leadership to that situation. In the case of an employee that is low motivation but high competence, they need high support, but low direction. In the case where they are high competence and high motivation they don't need much of either support or direction. 

Here is where Mary Beth O'Neill adds a twist. It turns out an employee or a leader can be any number of these categories in same job, based on the task before them. For example, a leader may be high competence and high confidence with customers only to be low competence, high confidence leading productive team meetings, and low competence and low confidence when it comes to fixing their own personal short comings, like weak listening skills. Which task is before the subject changes the kind of coaching and management they need. 

She goes on to recommend focusing coaching sessions on promoting situational leadership as above or a leadership competency model. More on competency models tomorrow.

Part 3 is a fairly straightforward discussion of how to do coaching. You start by setting up a clear contract with clear boundaries. You define if you are coaching the leader behind the scenes, their team in meetings, the leader in the meeting, and just how small those meetings can get. Then you debrief.

The debrief chapter is the interesting bit here because it outlines a few things you can talk about, and one is an executive skills competency. I like this one, a lot. It feels comprehensive. Here's a paraphrase for you:

1. Strategic Thinking- the internal and external view

2. Customer Relations- creating mutually reinforcing relationships

3. Vision- create, sell, and clarify against measurable goals

4. Project Management- allocate/direct resources and monitor progress

5. Facilitation- effective methods and meetings

6. Decision Making- style and clarity of the process

7. Change Agent- direct others and sustain sponsorship

8. Promote Conversation- reveal the real info from the noise

9. Coaching- build others better

10. Performance Management- set expectations and hold accountable

11. Advocacy- enhance the larger strategic vision

12. Team Coherence- keep teams high performing but also grounded

13. Systems Functioning- expand awareness of the whole system

If you are going to coach, get specific, but let the client/employee set the goals. Here are some pretty straightforward goals to focus on.